My Journey To Motherhood ~ The Finale
A Journey of Fourteen Blessings: Our Family Story
2001: The First Whisper of Life
Just two months into marriage, I conceived. But days before my MCL convocation and a week before our departure to the UK, we were met with the quiet heartbreak of a blighted ovum. It was a silent beginning, yet it taught us to embrace both joy and loss with patience and gratitude.
2002: Ammar, Our MSc Baby
Our second pregnancy reached 39 weeks, Alhamdulillah. Ammar was born in Leicester General Hospital, just as Abi Ammar completed his MSc in Islamic Economics, Banking & Finance. A child born of dua and discipline, wrapped in the warmth of academic pursuit.
2005: Affaf, Our PhD Baby
Three years later, amidst boxes and farewells, our third pregnancy reached full term and was born in Nottingham. We had just completed our PhDs, and this child, Affaf was our living thesis; proof of perseverance, partnership, and prayer.
2006: A Pause at Week 10
The fourth pregnancy ended at week 10. A quiet goodbye, reminding us that every soul, however briefly carried, is known to its Creator.
2007: Affan, LLBS & PRU12
Baby Affan grew alongside my long-overdue LLBS journey. Born in January 2008, just 35 days before Abi contested in Tumpat. A child of transitions, of courage, of public service and private sacrifice.
2009: Another Loss at Week 10
Our sixth pregnancy mirrored the fourth; another brief encounter with a soul we never met but always remember.
2010: Azzah, Our Hajj & ISRA Baby
Conceived right after our Hajj, Azzah arrived during the peak of our careers. She was born into a season of fast professional momentum; a reminder of Allah’s endless blessings.
2012: Week 11, Alone but Strong
By now, I had grown used to walking into the labour room alone. Abi, as Head of Research Affairs at ISRA, was often away. Yet Allah never left me. The eighth pregnancy ended at 11 weeks, but faith held firm.
2013: Azzam, YADIM Baby
Azzam grew alongside Abi’s final research project on the history of Islamic finance in Malaysia. His birth marked a turning point; Abi’s transition from private to government service, and deeper involvement in da‘wah and politics.
2015: Ectopic Discovery
The tenth pregnancy began with bleeding during a lecture. I entered the labour room twice; once for D&C, and later for the removal of ectopic tissues. Painful, yes. But it unveiled hidden strength.
2016: Twin Losses
Both the 11th and 12th pregnancies ended at 11 weeks. Two more stars added to our sky, unseen but deeply felt.
2017: The Most Adventurous Miscarriage
Contractions began mid-flight from KB to Subang. Upon landing, I left my seat with a pool of blood. Abi rushed me to PPUM Emergency. I lost a litre of blood. It was terrifying, but Allah is always there protecting and giving me strength, alhamdulillah.
2018: Atiyyah, PRU14 Baby
Unexpectedly, I conceived Atiyyah just weeks before PRU14. Her arrival was a gentle surprise, a divine punctuation in our political and personal journey.
Atiyyah: A Gift in the Midst of Trials and Transitions
Atiyyah ~ her name means a gift bestowed by Allah, The Almighty. And truly, she was. After eight losses and at the age of 43, when hope had quietly dimmed, Allah sent her as a radiant sign of His mercy. She arrived not only as a child, but as a balm, a reminder, and a turning point.
She came at a time when Abi was navigating the uncertain waters of political service. If anyone asked me, “How do you see DAWD as a politician?” I would say, he was a reluctant politician. He never charted a political path for himself. From the beginning, his only intention was to serve sincerely, diligently wherever he was placed.
The Sudden Appointment
When he was unexpectedly appointed as Deputy Minister in the Prime Minister’s Department (Religious Affairs), assisting DS Jamil Khair, it was the first time he had to seriously consider his next steps. If he wanted to contribute more meaningfully, he would need to contest in the general election. But where?
His heart always leaned toward Kelantan. Many advised against it, but for him, politics was never about position; it was about platform. And Kelantan was where his roots, dreams, and sense of duty converged. Still, he would say, “We just do our present work diligently, and leave the future unfolding to Allah.”
Pasir Puteh: A Place That Embraced Us
Then came the unexpected invitation from KUB Pasir Puteh. The warmth and acceptance we received from the party, the members, and the people was overwhelming. Until today, when I think of Pasir Puteh; our 'abang, kakak, adik' there, my heart swells with love. We truly felt we belonged. Pasir Puteh became our second home.
From 2017 to 2018, we were practically Pasir Puteh-ians. Our family tagline became: “Tiada Hujung Minggu Tanpa Pasir Puteh.” Every weekend, I was busy with Program Tahsin Solat across kampungs, side by side with my beloved mother-in-law, Ustazah Dato’ Nik Noraini. It was a time of service, connection, and spiritual grounding.
Just weeks before nomination day, I discovered the double-red line. I was pregnant with Atiyyah. It was a challenging time. Leaving the other children, especially little Azzam, was heart-wrenching. The pregnancy sickness was the worst I’d ever experienced, and it peaked during the campaign period. But alhamdulillah, with the unwavering support of DAWD’s team of sisters (you know who you are), I endured.
When Abi unexpectedly lost in Pasir Puteh, it felt like the whole town was crying. But Atiyyah, our little gift was the remedy that soothed our broken hearts. We moved forward quickly, carrying the lessons with us.
PRU14: A Life Madrasah
Pasir Puteh and PRU14 became a madrasah of life for us. It taught us:
- Allah is Al-‘Aleem – He knows what we do not. He knows our readiness, our limits, and our unseen strengths.
- Allah is Al-Qadeer – He alone determines outcomes. Even if our efforts are flawless, success is not ours to command.
- Allah is Al-Mureed – He wills what is best, even when it contradicts our desires. We didn’t want defeat, but He wanted growth.
Instead of breaking us, the experience uplifted us. It reminded us of our niyyah, our life mission. And that led to the sudden, unplanned decision to contest as Ketua Pemuda UMNO Malaysia (KPUM) the very next month.
A Kamikaze Move on Nuzul Qur’an
I remember it vividly. It was 17 Ramadan, Nuzul Qur’an, just a week before we left for Tanah Suci. DAWD made the announcement to contest. It was a kamikaze move. He said, “Kalah itu pasti; kalau menang dikira bonus.” It was never about winning, it was about answering the call to serve where the party needed him most.
In hindsight, the defeat in Pasir Puteh was a redirection. A divine rerouting toward a broader, more impactful role. Sometimes, the hikmah of a closed door is the opening of a gate we never imagined.
I often reflect on PRU12 too. Without it, DAWD would still be lecturing, writing academic papers, and serving the intellectual world. But Allah had other plans. The series of PRUs became milestones, each one a decision point, each one carving a new platform for service to the Ummah.
KPUM from Makkah: A Campaign of Tawakkul and Tears
The contest for Ketua Pemuda UMNO Malaysia (KPUM) was unlike any other. It began not in a hall or on a stage, but in the sacred Makkah. DAWD’s initial campaign was launched via online live sessions from the Holy Land. After the Eidul Fitri prayer, he boarded a flight home, leaving me in Makkah with five children and my beloved in-laws. I was four months pregnant.
We received updates from his friends, and occasionally, he would call, asking about me, the children, our well-being. Three days after Eid, we journeyed to Madinah. And there, in the stillness of the night, while the children slept, I sat facing the Raudhah, whispering my heart into the silence:
Assalamu'alaika Ya Nabiyallah,
Assalamu'alaika Ya Sofwata Khalqillah,
Assalamu'alaika Ya Habiballah.
Menggamit memori dua dekad lalu.
Sungguh bumi ini amat tenang,
Dan menenangkan hati yang merinduinya.
Wahai Tuhan,
Peliharalah dia,
Bimbinglah dia,
Kasihani lah dia;
Agar dia tidak berasa keseorangan,
Memenuhi taqdirnya,
Melalui jalan penuh ketidakpastian.
كل ما قدر الله خير
We returned to Makkah a few days later. On voting day, the pressure was unlike anything we had felt, even more intense than PRU14 in Pasir Puteh. The competition was fierce, the outcome unpredictable. We felt vulnerable, uncertain, and completely dependent on Allah.
Ammar and Affan asked permission to perform i‘tikaf in Masjidil Haram. They wanted to pray for Abi. I guided them in their solat hajat, and together we made heartfelt du‘a:
- That Allah grant Abi serenity, health, and steadfastness in his sincere intention to seek His pleasure.
- That if Allah willed Abi to carry this amanah, He would open hearts, pave the path to victory, and surround Abi with sincere companions who would strengthen, advise, and support him.
- That if Allah had not yet permitted victory, and this path was merely a process of tazkiyah, He would grant Abi the strength and patience to face it with a noble heart.
- That Allah accept every effort, every sleepless night, every bond of ukhuwwah forged in this journey, and bless our lives through it.
- That our family remain enveloped in His mercy, united in love, and that our children be guided to become hafiz, hamil, and ‘amil al-Qur’an, guardians, bearers, and practitioners of His Book.
Lessons from KPUM and PRU14
Both the KPUM contest and PRU14 taught us the power of total dependency on Allah. Despite perfect planning and overwhelming support, we were reminded that:
• Victory is not earned, it is gifted.
• Effort is our duty, outcome is His decree.
• Service is not about position. it is about submission.
These moments became our madrasah of life, teaching us sabr, ikhlas, and husnuzan. They refined our intentions, deepened our reliance, and reminded us that every step forward must begin with Bismillah and end with alhamdulillah.
Atiyyah's Birth Story
Coming back to Atiyyah’s birth story, it was shaped by memories of Azzam’s sudden arrival. With him, there were no signs, just a mother’s instinct sensing his movements had slowed. A routine check-up at KPJ turned into a whirlwind: I was already 5cm dilated. Two hours later, Azzam was in my arms.
So when I reached 37 weeks with Atiyyah, I was advised to be admitted early. It was a Tuesday, and I was craving laksam Kelate. We had it in Kota Damansara before heading to PPUM. Dr Imelda noted my erratic blood pressure and gently urged me to deliver soon. I requested a calm, natural birth with no induction. But Atiyyah hadn’t engaged.
The next day, mild contractions began. Dr Imelda tried to help her descend, even attempted vacuum assistance. But Atiyyah, ever the spirited one, kept diving back up. After three failed attempts, a cesarean was proposed. With the weekend approaching, and the risks of emergency surgery rising due to my age and BP, I was asked to choose: Thursday or Friday.
Eventually, I chose Thursday, 8 November. Not Friday, 9th ~ Azzam’s birthday, because Abi had an MT meeting. It was a quiet, deliberate decision.
Then, after Zohor, I was wheeled into the OT. Dr Imelda was calm, focused, and meticulous. This was the first time Abi wasn’t beside me in the labour room, unlike with Ammar 16 years earlier. Because of my previous cesarean, each layer had to be carefully opened. Time was tight. I was an “old and risky” mother, but Allah was near.
And then, at 5:30pm, the operating theatre was filled with the loud, glorious cry of Atiyyah. Her voice echoed through every corner, reaching the waiting area outside. She had arrived, strong, spirited, and full of life.
I spent three days recovering in PPUM. At home, Makton lovingly cared for me and Atiyyah during the first 30 days of postnatal. It was a time of healing, bonding, and quiet gratitude.
Atiyyah: Unique Individual Shaped by Surroundings
As she turns 7 today, we pray;
Ya Allah,
Make Atiyyah among those who serve with sincerity,
Who bring light to others through kindness and wisdom.
Make her a hafizah, a bearer of Your Book,
A soul who lives the Qur’an, not just in memory, but in action.
Let her be an asbab of unity,
A bridge between hearts, a balm for the broken,
A child who uplifts, connects, and inspires.
Protect her, guide her, and surround her with righteous companions.
Let her journey be one of purpose, purity, and peace.
Allahumma ameen.
Dear Atiyyah Asyraf Wajdi,
Happy Birthday!
UmmiAbi, Abang, Kakak, Bangchik, Kak Azzah & Bangjam love you,
We make du'a for you,
Always.
November 8th, 2025, Petaling Jaya.
Comments
Post a Comment